As an INFP, I have spent many years fighting with the idea of meaning, needing it deeply, yet also feeling that there might be no inherent meaning at all. This contradiction left me confused. The question is, how do you live your life when meaning feels both essential and impossible? One day, I was just browsing YouTube randomly, and I came across a video about Albert Camus, another INFP much like myself....
I have to admit that two of my recent posts feel somewhat repetitive and lower quality compared to The Loser’s Dream, but I was in the mood and crying while writing it. After getting back from Tassie late Monday, I finished implementing my stock picker on Tuesday. And now… I honestly have nothing to do. Nothing. So… what should I do next? Let’s start after I graduate from University. It was January 2020, just a few months before the COVID pandemic hit....
Lately, I have been getting too emotional for no reason. Today, I just want to look back on my life, from my days in Singapore until now, as a dream chaser. You may ask, bro what’s wrong with you? Didn’t you just say yesterday, no dreams, let go? Well yeah, that’s true, but it doesn’t mean I have given up. It’s just that I have lowered the priority of everything, no need to rush anymore....
Last week, I took an 11 hour train to Melbourne with no chargers, little reception, but lots of time. The fun game on my laptop only lasted for 3 hours before running out of battery, so I spent the rest of the time thinking about my entire life. Where did it go wrong? Everything exploded that night in 2023, and I faced the greatest crisis of my life, but I knew it wasn’t the only cause, but a chain reaction....
2025 is ending so quickly, just like every year, but somehow, this year feels a bit different. If you already know something would turn out, what would you do? Just like we all share the same end, one day fading from the world, forgotten by all, but does this mean our memories, our efforts, our dreams meaningless? If you knew you would fail at the thing you desire most, what would you do?...
It should be time to continue with working on my model after the long break since Feburary. Many things had happened, but I don’t have time to record everything. My friends and brothers are going home. This is a common issue with people like us, the insecure and instability. However, life must conitnue regardless… This year was meant to fail as my ultimate goal, but deeply inside, I don’t want to fail, I want to succeed and win....
Bazzite is like an open-source version of the Steam OS, I mean it is based on Linux with Proton. This becomes like a reason why I should be using Linux in 2025, it works very nicely for almost any AMD GPU. It is Linux, so things should just work without anything, but this does require some setups only once though. My GPD Win 4 is the AMD 6800U version, so it does run a bit slow especially when we have the Steam Deck....
It has been only 11 days, and what should I say about it? It is already over. I guess I should work hard next year in 2026, haha. Nah, I’m just kidding. 2025 has been great so far, but already with many ups and downs. On the first day in 2025, I had a major breakthrough in my trading model. That performance was never seen before, but the win rate is still just about 50ish....
2024 has ended just like that before you realise it. It is challenging to say whether it was good or bad overall. All my goals sort of fail, but other things are coming together. Like the market, unknowns await everyone in this new year, the beginning of a new cycle… In the past, I often questioned myself about what I had done in the last year, not much like always. However, that’s me always doing not enough, then starting to have crazier goals in the next year....
The world is almost like repeating itself, many things had happened in the past, and they are happening again, like a cycle. What is a cycle? Cycle is a circle, a continuous loop, a spiral and never-ending. Usually, it could contain at least two sides highlighting the duality nature of the world. Respecting the cycle is respecting the world, and that’s all you need to have a potentially happier life....