What's Next?

I have to admit that two of my recent posts feel somewhat repetitive and lower quality compared to The Loser’s Dream, but I was in the mood and crying while writing it. After getting back from Tassie late Monday, I finished implementing my stock picker on Tuesday. And now… I honestly have nothing to do. Nothing. So… what should I do next?

Let’s start after I graduate from University. It was January 2020, just a few months before the COVID pandemic hit. I landed my first and still my current job around August. By then, the world was in lockdown, so there wasn’t much I could do until early 2023.

That’s when I went back to Singapore, a place I both hate and love. It was the source of so much pain and suffering, but also the reason I was able to get this “dream” job in the first place. That experience became the catalyst for my self improvement and ambition.

At some point, I started attending offline events and trying to reconnect with people, but I had to stop when the IT industry began its first wave of layoffs in late 2023. My company also went through some internal changes, and I wasn’t in the mood to go out, mostly out of my fear of losing everything again. Not to mention, my greatest life crisis occurred around August 2023. A mixture of external pressures and internal struggles slowly drained the joy out of my life.

But, I don’t want to run away from my problems anymore. My ultimate dream might be overly idealistic, but I have already achieved almost half of it this year. Now, I am free to do whatever I want. This is what I am thinking about right now, and I will have the entire Christmas break to reflect on it.

I don’t really dislike anything; I am just shockingly average at most things I do. Still, I tend to enjoy whatever hobbies I pick up. Since there is still some time left this year, I will start by finishing what I planned, becoming a barista, like seriously. Soon, I will go and do some barista training and see where it takes me.

Before I wrap up, I want to state this: my worries and fears are legitimate, even without past shadows. The world feels messy right now, and it is likely to get worse. The IT industry might not stay stable forever. I really do need to explore another field, but there is no need to rush. We can’t prepare for everything, but if something can be done earlier, it often helps in the long run.

What’s next, then?

I also have no idea, but for now, I will just keep doing what’s left for 2025. Many things are out of my control, yet I can still choose who I want to become.

My past life wasn’t the kind of life I want to repeat for another decade. What I truly want is to live with hopeful optimism, to spread hope, love, and positivity. I have walked through my own shadows, and I understand that we are all the same in some way.

Trading and my ultimate dream aren’t about being ahead of the time; they are simply my way toward a brighter future. The forum shutting down, a close friend leaving Singapore, and the chaos of school life all hurt deeply, but in this very moment, I can finally continue becoming who I was before I went to Singapore, even if it is a decade late.

This long internal conflict is finally coming to an end. By accepting all my past mistakes and forgiving every version of myself. I can now begin to accept and forgive everyone else, which is the foundation for genuine relationships. It is time to open up again, just like before.

My third life starts now… Hopefully, it is a happier one, filled with hope and new beginnings.