Lately, I have been getting too emotional for no reason. Today, I just want to look back on my life, from my days in Singapore until now, as a dream chaser. You may ask, bro what’s wrong with you? Didn’t you just say yesterday, no dreams, let go?
Well yeah, that’s true, but it doesn’t mean I have given up. It’s just that I have lowered the priority of everything, no need to rush anymore. Over the past decade, I have had many different dreams or goals, all different in form but sharing one theme: freedom. For the kind of freedom I pursue, money or financial support plays a critical role. It may not be the kind of money, like a salary, but something different.
Some of those dreams succeeded, others failed, but almost all of them brought me something unexpected, almost like surprise rewards. Throughout this journey, I have slowly become the person I am today.
This year, I gave my best efforts, yet my ultimate dream still feels so far away. I already knew this earlier in the year, but I still wanted to give it one last try. Last year, I finally had the courage to face my other half, and now, I can also face the main problem, what if my ultimate dream can never be fulfilled?
What should I do next? Should I keep focusing on it for another decade, or is it time to let life and genuine relationships coexist with my dreams? This is what I’ve started to realise.
Running away was necessary, but one day, I knew I had to face it, because it would keep hunting me back, even a decade later. It wasn’t my fault that the forum closed down, but it still hurt more than I could handle.
My friend Vin once told me he couldn’t let go for many years during COVID 2021. I realised I was the same. Even if I had the skills I have today, there wasn’t much I could’ve done back then. It wasn’t my fault, nor was it because I wasn’t good enough or didn’t try hard enough. It was just another piece of life.
A decade later, I still thought I was the same boy in 2013, but both technology and I have evolved. Back then, I really had to put everything into programming for a brighter future. Now, I have a stable full time job, and with LLMs, I feel like I can do so much more, so much faster.
I am slowly realising that I actually have way more time than most, maybe because I have already spent a decade fighting through the tough parts. However, that fear still doesn’t go away. I simply can’t believe any job is truly stable. Deep down, I am still too scared that what happened in the past could happen again.
The freedom I seek is true financial independence, being able to live freely even without a full time corporate job. That kind of freedom will be my foundation, giving me much more time and flexibility in the future. That’s why I am willing to sacrifice so much of my time for it. Maybe I have been rushing too hard. After all, I still have time, and I am still young…
After working for two years, I made my first real attempt in 2023. Things didn’t go well at first. I lost 20% very quickly, until I took a chance and bet on NVIDIA’s June earnings. My account suddenly skyrocketed by 150%. It was an incredible surprise. This didn’t last long, though. I lost more than half of it betting on the next earnings, and my greatest life crisis arrived. Yet now, I no longer see it as a bad thing. It was another kind of surprise, one I had to face by accepting all my past mistakes and every version of myself.
My first attempt failed miserably, but it still left me with some valuable rewards. 2024 became a year of self discovery, and it was also one of the toughest years for the IT industry. Despite everything, I kept planning and preparing for my second attempt.
This year, I had the longest attempt yet and almost went all in. The reason why I keep telling myself to spend more time on other things is that, even after all these efforts, I still don’t know if I can make it work. I am tired of running away, this is why I decided to face it. My second attempt failed, so what’s next?
Well, maybe it’s time to look back at everything I have achieved this year.
My system isn’t profitable yet, but I managed to get it running for weeks without any issues. The stock scanner also works perfectly, giving me information on over 4,000 stocks. These are strong foundations I can use for future attempts.
I also noticed something important: I don’t need to go all in anymore. I am much more efficient and capable now. I can spend just one or two days on this, and use the rest of the week for anything else. I don’t feel tired like I used to. Before I even realised it, I had become stronger and more capable than ever before.
This year, I also met someone who is a skilled trader; the decade late reconciliation was another surprise for me. The shadows of the past seem to have disappeared. Everywhere I went, Melbourne, Tassie or Sydney, the sun was shining, as if the universe was welcoming me anew.
Now, I want to enjoy life more and prioritise genuine relationships above my freedom dream. I want to step away from programming and IT, leaving my past and everything behind, to focus on what truly matters, especially in a world like this.