2025 is ending so quickly, just like every year, but somehow, this year feels a bit different. If you already know something would turn out, what would you do? Just like we all share the same end, one day fading from the world, forgotten by all, but does this mean our memories, our efforts, our dreams meaningless? If you knew you would fail at the thing you desire most, what would you do? Face it or run away?
After three years of preparation, I finally had the capability to bring my trading system to life, something that was never possible without the rise of LLMs. Since April, and getting into the zone around June, I have spent countless hours on this system, which is also one of the approaches towards my ultimate dream. This trading system is truly my last hope to change everything.
For many years, I have seen myself as nothing, just a loser, failing at almost everything I try to achieve, even though I have worked incredibly hard, spending countless nights pushing beyond my imagination. This is the sad thing about having “big” dreams, but without the skills or abilities to fulfil. To truly capable people, my dreams may seem rather small, but can’t a loser have dreams too?
After years of dedication, what have I gained? Failure, failing, failures. Is that all I got? How long will this infinite loop continue before it finally overflows? My dreams, my goals, my ideals, even my positivity, will all slowly be consumed by the darkness that lives within me. That darkness is also my shadow, hidden, patient, and always waiting to haunt me at the worst times.
When there are lights, there will always be shadows.
Under the brightest light, I never saw my shadows.
Only when everything fell apart, when all was gone,
Did I finally see the light within my shadow, and with it, my complete self.
Darkness and light are as one, two forms of a single being.
Without failures, how can I succeed?
A winner could be a loser who refused to give up.
Maybe the greatest loser could one day become the greatest winner.
Who knows, right?
What if I already know the outcome? My trading system will fail absolutely. I know this better than anyone else. And yet, if by any chance it actually works, that would mean I have achieved my lifelong dream, but there is no way… right? So what then? At one time, I wanted to give up. The more I work on it, the closer I feel to failure, yet even knowing this… I couldn’t stop. This year might be my last chance, so I have to fail even if I don’t want to.
Failing also means I tried my absolute best, otherwise, it is not truly failure yet. If it is really my best attempt, then does that kind of failure even matter anymore? The outcome was already known ten months ago, and yet, if I look at what I have mastered along the way. It is harder to call it a failure now.
If you only focus on failures, the world becomes nothing but that. There have been so many great things this year. Funnily enough, when failure is the big theme this year, that’s when I started noticing the good parts, that’s when I truly began to appreciate this world and the people.
Many years ago, this kind of thing would have stopped me from moving forward. The inner conflict was once a heavyweight. Now, I don’t mind anymore, never feel this relaxed. Even if I am a loser and a failure, there is nothing wrong with that. I can dream. We all can dream. Even if those dreams fall apart, that’s okay, just yet another part of life.
Ever since I got into trading, I have learned that losing is almost inevitable, either now or later, and it happens quite often. This trading model is very stupid most of the time, but when it somehow makes a big profit, I laugh and call it my trading god. That’s how funny I am, not even trying to be.
It is fine to take a break, to be lazy, to slow down for a while. As long as I am complete, nothing can stop me from chasing my distant, unrealistic dreams.
And this is The Loser’s Dream.