2024 is ending soon with only a month left. Last month, I wrote quite a lot about meaning and happiness. Today, I just want to extend a bit… and you know, just write some more nonsense before December.
Life has been relaxing since I could finally let go of my goals temporarily, I am not giving up on everything, but just taking a break when I have to without blaming myself lazy because I am. This is great because I can enjoy my break and work hard when I need to, I am trying to find more balance in my life.
Goals are wonderful things, but sometimes, they could be unrealistic. It is nice if my goals can be achieved, but most of the time, I can’t. If I cannot simply let them go, then there may be some big problems. That’s how I became unhappy about myself and started this self-questioning mess.
That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t work hard or even have goals. They are often great guidelines instead of deadlines. Starting to do something new and jumping out of one’s comfort zone is no easy task, and letting them go can be even harder. You know all the time spent, all the effort put in, were they all for nothing I let them go?
Meaning is something I always wanted to find, why am I here if there is no purpose? That’s why I gave myself a purpose, and that also became my goal. It was so powerful for me at the time, and 10 years later, it was not all that bad. I wish this could last forever, but it just broke apart within moments. That’s just how fragile I am.
Balance is something I have been saying for a while, almost becoming my topic of the year. However, the more I think about it, the more I see it everywhere in life. Goals and meaning are great things, but not until I become too obsessed with them. Good and bad can be interchangeable, and I have to accept both sides of me.
The moment I let go of the meaning, it is never the same. I just don’t bother anymore, if I can be happy without meaning, why not? If goals make me unhappy, I will just throw them away, but I will also pick them up when I am ready again. Letting go is not giving up, it is the balance.
There is almost an invisible force that keeps pushing me towards the balance or the centre point. When I get obsessed with something, I get punished by failing. When I finally let go, I got what I wanted almost like a reward weirdly. When I become too lazy, I get motivated by wanting to do something immediately. This is never-ending, the real balance can never be achieved, but it is good not to get it. Life may be boring if everything is too balanced, isn’t it?
Just one month left, and I will have a nice 3-week holiday. I am planning to take a nice break while working on my trading system. I want to get the automation running while working slowly on these things. If it ends up not working, it is no big deal. Why so serious about the result? I fail every day, things just never go the way I expect, if I add one to infinity, there is no difference.