Today is the last day of August, and as Sydney is getting warmer, it feels as though the harsh winter has passed. Last August, I experienced a devastating strike in my trading career, but now, I view that moment as a new beginning. More pieces of my life are coming together, and each month carries more meaning. This fateful August, I have finally surpassed my past self both mentally and physically. After a long decade, I am now complete…
Since the day I joined my company, I have always wanted to participate in the City2Surf run because it looked so fun. Unfortunately, it was during COVID, so I waited until this year. To be honest, I have not been exercising enough, and I can feel my body getting weaker. I have wanted to change, but never had the opportunity. Well, that is just my poor excuse, and I always find new ones. But enough is enough, I wanted to change.
When was the last time I ran more than 5 km? I think it was back in Beijing during my Year 9, where we used to run 3 km every morning and 6 km on Fridays. Yeah, City2Surf is 14 km though. I did not realise this when I signed up, but it felt like a new opportunity. I said to myself if I could conquer this challenge, I may gain further insights into my trading also.
Since March, I have been working on new machine learning models, but with little progress. However, it makes sense because this is my ultimate goal, so it cannot be a simple one. The market is uncertain, unpredictable, and full of noise. Ultimately, I could not come up with a meaningful output from my model. What am I missing here? How can I find a way to profit in such a chaotic market?
Could it be because I have mistaken the cause and the effect?
I started my special training only a week ahead of City2Surf, and I was uncertain if I could complete the full 14 km, as I had never run more than 6 km after Year 9. Despite this, I made up my mind. There were only two possible outcomes: either I would complete the race or I would fall on the way as a proud challenger.
On the night before the final showdown, I was suddenly enlightened. If the market is full of uncertainties, why pursue the so-called certainties? I realised I had been approaching it all wrong. Although my original strategy was close, I had taken the wrong path. However, this was not a wasted effort, as I reviewed all my machine learning knowledge in the process. If my model can perform better than random guessing, then it should be good enough for now. What I have is the best I can offer at this stage. There is no point in focusing on a perfect model before implementing the entire system. Sometimes, you just have to use probability and take a chance.
City2Surf went remarkably well, even though I pushed myself to the limit, with my heart rate averaging 176 throughout. As I saw the beautiful Bondi Beach from th hill, I knew I was getting close towards the end. The last 2 km was my pure dedication of not giving up and keep moving. In the end, I finished the race and surpassed my previous self after more than a decade.
When did I become so divided?
Many years ago, I was once complete before dividing myself into two opposing parts. In motherland, we are encouraged to work harder and become great individuals. However, the overwhelming positivity eventually led to self-corruption. Seeing others perform better than me, I began questioning myself, why I could not be as good? Even if I kept trying, my efforts were ultimately overshowed by many, and eventually I was unable to see my true self anymore.
Gradually, I shifted again from the pursuit of being the very best because I felt powerless in trying to go further. That hollowness in me grew day by day until a point I questioned the whole purpose. Last August, that devastating strike woke me up, and I finally saw what I have achieved over the past decade. Life was never full of misery, but I never appreciated the positive side enough. This month is a significant step in my life. The market’s noise, my physical limitations in City2Surf, and the negative aspects of myself are all part of the world, whether I accept them or not.
My suddent enlightenment made me realise what I had been missing. I had always been fighting with only half of myself, but now I am finally complete. I have never experienced such inner peace, as if nothing else matters at all. Now, I will move forward with my trading system and see how things unfold. Even if nothing works out, it is more than enough what I have learnt along this journey.