As the trip gets closer, my emotion towards Singapore grows stronger. My days in Singapore weren’t the greatest, and it was rather miserable instead. For some reason, it always comes back, and I cannot forget about it.
I spent most of my time in Singapore programming, and I rarely went outside except for school. That’s how I spent two and a half years there. I only met other students and my guardian once in a while. The first year there wasn’t bad because I met my friend, Ryuta, that fateful day. We had some fun together playing games, as I mentioned in pazusoba.
Something happened in late 2013, my forum was gone. I only mentioned this slightly before, more on this later this year. I was quite devastated and shocked. The whole reason why I started programming was gone that day. All I wanted to do was making an iOS client for my forum. It was just eight months after I started. That bitter taste of powerlessness and hopelessness is still fresh in my mind.
The sorrow hit quite hard, but I still had my friend…
Another eight months later, my friend left Singapore…
I still remember that day. It was the 8th of June, 2014. It was rather hot that day, and I went to see Ryuta, he lived on another block. We chatted for a while and started playing the game. I lost every time. Soon, it was time. We went down and said goodbye. He got in the taxi and left. I didn’t go to the airport with him, I should, but I didn’t. The sun was rather strong that day, I went back to my room as if I was just an empty shell.
After that day, I was alone until I left Singapore a year later. I had several calls with Ryuta, and I was almost crying when I heard his voice. I thought I would never see him again. Luckily, we met again in 2018 and 2019. My two long pending trips. I will talk about them later.
Now, why do I miss Singapore?
It’s where everything began…
Most of my time was spent on programming. My English improved significantly, and I started thinking to seek the answer. It was also quite enlightening to meet different people with different backgrounds. I began to have dreams and goals in life. The idea of learning Japanese, drawing and piano also started in Singapore. Everything started in Singapore.
You see, my life in Singapore was my foundation. Everything I have accomplished today is built on top of them. That’s why I got confused because I was rejecting myself.
This trip to Singapore is to revisit and celebrate. The answer has been always there right in front of me. I just didn’t see and accept it. I was questioning myself and rejecting my past.
When I came to Australia, I wanted to cut ties with my past. However, that never worked because my past spirit was everywhere leading me forward. Even now at this moment, it is in me.
After almost 8 years, many things faded away. Even with people I used to despise the most, I want to meet them again and see what’s going on with their life. Bad memories are fading, and what’s left is pure gold. My life may be miserable in Singapore, but all I know is I was a crazy kid doing crazy things with crazy dreams.
Living in a crazy world, I think I need to be crazier than the world to not be controlled by it.